Article from SHANGRI LAW

Over-Priced Designer Handbags, Part I: Goyard

When somebody says the words "luxury designer handbags," what do you think of? Probably the same things I think of: the canvas monogram Louis Vuitton . . . the Gucci horsebit . . . the quilted Chanel CCs . . .

So when La Zapatotista helpfully informed me this past summer during a shopping trip on Rodeo Drive (I was frantically searching for a fabulous apple green purse; mission not accomplished) that the Next Big Thing was a brand called Goyard, I was completely if not shockingly underwhelmed. To be honest, darling Zapatotista didn't quite recall the name; she described it as having some sort of strange but immediately recognizable pattern, that it was all the rage in Europe, and that it was extremely pricey. Excellent, I thought. Let's check it out and gasp in disbelief at people who buy ridiculously expensive bags.

I scoured the entire handbag section at Barneys for a bag that could be easily recognized as a designer handbag, but one which I hadn't seen before. I couldn't find it. Then I dragged dear Zapatotista away from the beckoning Marc Jacobses, and finally she spotted it . . .

My anticipated delight became pure elation as I laid my eyes on the merchandise of this most coveted of designers. I guffawed out loud. Yes, I did--I laughed at Goyard, right there in the middle of Barneys.

The bags were far worse than I could have ever imagined; and while I do not claim to be a handbag expert of any degree, I must declare that, in my amateur opinion, the Goyard bags fall in the territory of The Fugly.

Take the purse on the left, for instance: it's a green Jeanne GM Bugatti style handbag priced at $1,885. And it's not even made of leather.

(Some astute European reader will no doubt write in and tell me that Goyards are made of a special synthetic substance that costs millions to manufacture and is far superior to leather or the best canvas. But even if that were the case, La Dulcinea would respond respectfully: Then why the hell didn't they spend a few extra million so that it doesn't look like plastic?)

The truth is, the Jeanne GM probably looks a lot better in that picture (taken by the New York Times) than it does in real life; after all, the NYT doesn't hire bad photographers (they must've spruced it up with the usual lighting and air-brushing; oh, and they put it on a pedestal--irony, get it?). Take a look at some other Goyard specimens:

The St. Louis: It's okay, everyone. Just because the St. Louis shopping tote comes with a $845 price tag doesn't mean you don't have to think it: this bag looks like it came from the dollar store or your daughter's 2nd grade teacher's Good Behavior Grab Bag of Treats.

The Beluga: Oops, my mistake! Goyard does use leather sometimes! This Beluga tote is trimmed in leather! And it has yellow lining! Never mind the fact that the handles are way too small for the bag to actually be practical! It costs $1,680, so that must mean that it's a really great bag!

The Hullot: And now I come to the saddest part of this story. The only Goyard bag currently selling at Barneys that any sane girl might possibly consider carrying (let alone buying) is . . . a doggie bag. Yup, this is the Hullot dog carrier, and it'll only set you back $1,800 so your pampered pooch can ride in . . . an ugly plastic thing.

Admit it. You're underwhelmed, too.